Hmm..

I feel like walking around and randomly hugging people :)
I like hugs and smiles.

"Don't waste food! And support original music!"

My 100th :)

Yay! It's finally heeeeere! I've been counting and counting and writing and writing, waiting for this very moment. My 100th post! Woot Woot! :) :) :)

It's no big deal, i know. But anything that's a hundred, just amazes me! :)

And yes, I'm easily amused.

Sooooo.. *awkward silent moment*.. *whistles*.. *looks around*..

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Been dealing with a lot lately. But i'm still trying to make myself go through the motions. Pray. Read. Eat. Sleep.

Trying to learn After Effects is starting to take a toll on me. I'm just getting really tired and everything seems so meaningless.

Like one of my favorite versus says, "Vanity of vanities; all is vanity." --Ecclesiastes 1:2

And this is from the wisest man who ever lived, King Solomon. He's a man who was given all the knowledge and wisdom in the world. Yet, he concluded that all is vain. All is meaningless.

I can read this book in the Bible over and over again and never get bored. I get something new every time. It's a really short book, only 12 chapters :)

It gets good though. He explains everything he says and makes really really good points. What he's trying to say when he says "meaningless", is that everything that we do comes down to choice. We can choose to feel hopeless about it, or we can follow God and His plan for us. That's why at the end of each "theory", King Solomon says that all is meaningless anyways. Hebrew word: hebel :)

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I'm at this point in my life where I have to make a lot of decisions. I know what I want. And i really hope it works out. Right now, I don't see how any of my dreams will work out. But i'm just gonna keep working till I get there. SO here's the list.

1. I want to get as much experience as possible in Film.
2. I want to spend 6 months working in a farm in Australia/ New Zealand :)
3. I want to be a bungee jumping instructor for a year. Somewhere exciting.
4. I want to live in a foreign country, delivering baked goods. A beautiful country, like Spain or something. (Ok. maybe not baked goods. But a fun job like that, you know?)
   
5. I just wanna travel the world. Company would be good :)
   
6. I want to drink a pretentious cup of espresso in an European country by the street corner.
7. BoraBora! Of course....... :P
8. After all that, i still want to be able to come back into Film and finally become a Director.

I don't know how ANY of this is going to be possible. I might laugh about it in 5 years. Or i might read it again and be like "No. 2, 3, 6. Check!" :) :) :) I am hoping for the latter.

"Smile at someone just to make their day!"

*manvoice* and this has been a community outreach by Banana Pumpkin Squarepants.

I'm Twenty! 20! Yay! Yay? Oh! Nay! >.<

So i was really hungry today and decided that i should cook some instant noodles for myself. AND since it is my birthday, i decided to top it off with chicken! hehe! :P

So i went to a chinese take-out place and bought some chicken. I came home, made my instant noodles, ate my chicken and now i look like this! I feel like it too! Eek! Since i will be working tomorrow, on my actual birthday, i decided to stay up till 12am and have a mini celebration with Germ, my cushy and cuddly pillow, and Addison, my blue and adorable teddy bear :) I can't wait! I'm going to make a wish and everything!

I'm happy that everyone wished me on Facebook :) It feels like you guys are part of the party too! I would have one if we're not at different parts of the world. It's funny. It's already my birthday everywhere else! Just not here. Yet.



I love birthdays! Especially when it's mine! Whee! :) :) :)

So, to commemorate, I took a picture of 20-years-old me! Hahaha! :P



Thank you for the birthday wishes! :) I WILL be happy! Thanks! Heheheeee! Banana Pants! :P

"Please recycle your aluminum cans! Thank you! :)"

My Birthdayyyyy! :)

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am craaaaazy when it comes to my birthday! It's my favorite time of the year! I'm the most festive on this day and all i wanna do is hang out with people that i love and that i know love me too!

I start dancing around, singing happy songs and have rainbows pop out of my ear! Hehe :) It's true. People will ask me what i want for my birthday and i will bashfully say, "Oh nothing." But the list will be long. I can tell you that much. Muahahaha! (This statement does not include family. Yes. I see your smirks! :P)

But this year, I really don't have the time to think about it at all. I would be working (for free! eek!) and it's just gonna be as unfestive as unfestive can get. Plus, I've been really busy preparing for this and that, looking for a job, etc. etc.

So today, i thought we were gonna celebrate Suan's (pastor's daughter) birthday and was really excited about it coz i feel that everyone is as happy about birthdays as me :)

And when we were gonna "surprise" her.. Me & Tim (bithday on the 17th) got a surprise too! Hehehe! Thinking about it makes me giggle! :) They decorated it with my favorite jelly beans too! With my name on it and everything!

I feel loved *sigh* :)

AND on top of that, I got 3 pounds worth of jelly beans! :) I just wanna swim in it! Hahaha.. It's not enough to swim in. But i wish i could!

So, i don't think that they/ you guys don't read this but i just wanna say, "THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS! I LOVE YOU GUYS MUCHOS!"

My Interview!! Yay!! :)

I love sarah and all her great tags! Heheheeee!

1. Leave me a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I’ll email you five questions, of my determination not yours!
3. You update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

1. Pick out an animal that best describes almost everything about you & state why.
Monkey! :) Ok. You guys can stop nodding in agreement now. Weeeell, i say monkey coz it's the first thing that came into my head. And i'm always crazily hyper-active and i randomly burst in excitement and retard-ation. I scratch my head sometimes. And my belly too! I would gladly pick kutu out of someone's head and scratch their back for them. And most of all, i like to make people smile/ laugh. The latter, obviously, being the better result :) :) :) And monkey also because i would like to have monkeys dressed up in tuxedos giving out roses on my wedding day. Heeeee!

2. Would you prefer to wrap a gift with a wrapping paper or instead, just stuff the gift into a box and tie a ribbon on it? Why?
Box and tie a ribbon! :) Coz i like receiving presents like that. Hehehe. I think it looks better and you get to the present faster! Muahahaha. But seriously, i think the anticipation is heightened with a box. No real reason. Just a feeling ;) That's how i do most things! Lalala~

3. Who would you most likely date? An engineer or an accountant & whyy? Haha, this came out really random, hee! :D
I would say an engineer :) Haha. More dynamics and creativity to it. That's all. Most importantly, he must be strong and have a kind heart at the same time! [i just watched Troy. hahaha.] Or if he is exactly like Goo Joon Pyo, i wouldn't mind either. heh :P

4. Complete this sentence: If I were a boy... [ No, not the lyrics to the song but yeah, hmm ]
If i were a boy.... I would be very good-looking! Hahaha! I kid. I kid. But i would be very clear with my decisions and wise and never ever break another person's heart. I would be kind and gentlemanly and a great buddy to my friends. I would go to war and protect my country. OR i would be in a boy band. Most importantly, i would still make films. Then, i would on occasion, excuse myself from a room just to fart and eat lots and lots of bananas and work out to be a muscle man. Ha! That was so random, i don't even know where it came from :P

5. What would you name your future kiddos? Let's say you've got 2 girls and 2 boys :) Lalala!
Boys: Drake and Phoenix
Girls: Melissa and Diamond

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Just realize that this is heavy reading for my fellow blog readers. Haha.

"Save the platypus!"

Mixed Emotions, a Ta-ag, and An Overdue Apology.

I've a feeling that this is going to be a long one and a really mixed up and messy one. Just like what I'm feeling right about now.

OK. First of all, I just graduated and it just hit me that this is a major change in my life and the next move I take is going to determine where I'm going.

I'm not going to lie, I'm extreeeeemely freaked out.

I don't know where or how this feeling came about but I feel unwanted. Crazy right?! I know. Psychology friends! Help! Eeek!

This is going to seep into my Tag (by the lovely Sarah and Alexaxaxaxa!) so i'm just going to start it now. 10 random things, facts, habits, or goals about me.

1. I believe in living with passion and love for what you do. But as many have said, that's not going to feed me or give me a place to live.
2. I always have to chew on something when I'm nervous.
3. I absolutely LOVE candy.
4. I like colors! Lots of them! Jumbled together! It makes me happyyyyy :)
5. Sometimes, all i need to get me through a tough day is someone else's smile or laughter.
6. I'm a sucker for teddy bears and flowers (that's the girliest i will ever get)
7. I need assurance but i never ever show it (well, up till now of course! ha!)
8. I love my family and friends more than anything else (except God of course :P), and once you're in the circle (like in Meet The Parents/ Fockers) you'll never ever get out! Muahahahaha!
9. I'm secretly stalking someone else's blog that i found from a friend of a friend's blog. And i really look up to that person despite the fact that I've never met him or talked to him. The blog is kinda guiding my way through some tough times here. Now, THAT is random.
10. I wish that girls can really be swept off their feet by the perfect prince charming and that it will only happen once in a lifetime and it will last forever. That means, no more heartaches in this world! Yay!

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Back to mixed emotions.

I suddenly miss my family a lot a lot right now. BUT I hope I don't have to go home in 3 months.

3 months is the amount of time I have to get my act together before getting forced (not really forced but no other choice because no $$) to leave New York.

Totally do not know where I stand with God right now. I'm not going to lie.

"Do Not Litter! Pick Up Trash As You See It!"

Not knowing where I am with God, leads to the overdue apology. Now, this is getting personal so read if you want, skip if you're bored.

I wrote something to myself today. Not in my regular journal with God because I haven't been doing that in a long time. As i wrote, stuff just spilled out just like it normally does when i write about Him. This really made me think and well.. feel. Don't over think the content as you read. Think of the message. Because this made me realize that this is not the only time i've acted out like that. Hence, the public apology.

“I felt wanted and appreciated. It’s different than what I feel from God because this was something I could grasp. It was such a new thing to me. So new, that sometimes I would work harder for this appreciation. Was it worth it? I don’t think I can ever have the answer to that question.

This is the perfect example of taking God’s love for granted. At the back of my head, I always know that God is always there, He’ll always love me no matter what I do. So, I sin. I knowingly sin, with the thought that He’ll forgive me later. He always does.

I hate myself so much for doing that. If I were Him, I would hate me too. But He never does and that itself makes my heart ache even more. Sometimes, I can just imagine the disappointment in His face, the stabbing pain in His heart when I take His love for granted like that. I’m nailing Jesus to the cross and I’m spitting on His face.Yet He still loves me.

I dare not say I love Him because I feel so unworthy. But I know that that’s not what he wants. He doesn’t want me to run away in shame but to run to Him for comfort.”

So I just want to say, "I'm sorry, God. Thanks for still being there despite everything. Thanks for being my God."

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Enough blogging for one day. Hope you caught my public announcement inside the whole mess up of a post ;)

Sorry about today's emo-ness. Daddy just left NY and i'm alone again :(

Love. Always.