maybe i won't die when i'm 40.

Not too long ago, i had to let go my dream of being a hobo coz i just wasn't cut out for it. And i speak from experience.

And now, i think i have to give up my dream of dying at 40 :(

I know i can't really dictate it. Heck, i might die tomorrow. *knock knock wood* But 40 was the goal :)

I wanted to have achieved everything i want to do in life and.. well.. die. Happy! :)

But now that i'm at the "mid-point" *gasp!*, all my dreams seem so far away. There are so many things to do and so little time!

Now i know why my uncle was sooooo upset when he turned 40. He haven't achieved half the things that he wanted to.

I hope that i can at least achieve 2/3rds of what i want to do by the time i'm 40. I'll be happy enough :) :) :)

I just need to focus focus hocus pocus!

---

On a lighter note, I was feeling very upset yesterday (Haha. Irony. I'm a fan.). I really don't know why. I think it's PMS. Heh heh.

And it made me almost break my fast. (I'm practicing Lent this year) I feel like i'm hanging by a thread and it's only been 6 days! How did Jesus do 40 days? How does anyone do 40 days?

But God, being who He is, is always good. And despite being upset yesterday, He still managed to give me a bounce in my step when i thought about chocolate croissant and tea :) Yummm..

He gave me the peace i needed when i went to bed. The nightmares I've been having for the past week didn't come back.

I just LOVE being His little girl. And jumping around in my cute little pink TuTu to bring a smile onto His face.


---

I don't usually post lyrics, but here's a good one ;)

Jesus loves me this I know,
For the bible tells me so,
Little ones to him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
The bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me when I'm good,
When I do the things I should,
Jesus loves me when I'm bad,
Though it makes him very sad.

Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
The bible tells me so.

---

It stings every time I read it. I don't want to make Him sad.

"Wash your socks clean clean!"

My 100th :)

Yay! It's finally heeeeere! I've been counting and counting and writing and writing, waiting for this very moment. My 100th post! Woot Woot! :) :) :)

It's no big deal, i know. But anything that's a hundred, just amazes me! :)

And yes, I'm easily amused.

Sooooo.. *awkward silent moment*.. *whistles*.. *looks around*..

---

Been dealing with a lot lately. But i'm still trying to make myself go through the motions. Pray. Read. Eat. Sleep.

Trying to learn After Effects is starting to take a toll on me. I'm just getting really tired and everything seems so meaningless.

Like one of my favorite versus says, "Vanity of vanities; all is vanity." --Ecclesiastes 1:2

And this is from the wisest man who ever lived, King Solomon. He's a man who was given all the knowledge and wisdom in the world. Yet, he concluded that all is vain. All is meaningless.

I can read this book in the Bible over and over again and never get bored. I get something new every time. It's a really short book, only 12 chapters :)

It gets good though. He explains everything he says and makes really really good points. What he's trying to say when he says "meaningless", is that everything that we do comes down to choice. We can choose to feel hopeless about it, or we can follow God and His plan for us. That's why at the end of each "theory", King Solomon says that all is meaningless anyways. Hebrew word: hebel :)

---

I'm at this point in my life where I have to make a lot of decisions. I know what I want. And i really hope it works out. Right now, I don't see how any of my dreams will work out. But i'm just gonna keep working till I get there. SO here's the list.

1. I want to get as much experience as possible in Film.
2. I want to spend 6 months working in a farm in Australia/ New Zealand :)
3. I want to be a bungee jumping instructor for a year. Somewhere exciting.
4. I want to live in a foreign country, delivering baked goods. A beautiful country, like Spain or something. (Ok. maybe not baked goods. But a fun job like that, you know?)
   
5. I just wanna travel the world. Company would be good :)
   
6. I want to drink a pretentious cup of espresso in an European country by the street corner.
7. BoraBora! Of course....... :P
8. After all that, i still want to be able to come back into Film and finally become a Director.

I don't know how ANY of this is going to be possible. I might laugh about it in 5 years. Or i might read it again and be like "No. 2, 3, 6. Check!" :) :) :) I am hoping for the latter.

"Smile at someone just to make their day!"

*manvoice* and this has been a community outreach by Banana Pumpkin Squarepants.