i don't know. maybe?

This is the wordpress address : http://raycheerache.wordpress.com

I'm not sure if i'm switching yeeeeT!

Having major writer's block. Or actually, life block.

Everything just seems to be on a stand still.

My motivation and passion seem to have left me.

Maybe it's just today.

Maybe it really is the time for change. The time to just drop everything and start anew.

Maybe it starts with a new blog.

Something definitely needs to change. Or i WILL shoot myself.

Peace OUt! :)

I may be sad today but i still love y'all! :)

i want to wear blue.

but i own nothing that's blue. like really blue, y'know.

oh well.

apple juice!

i love LovE LOVE apple juice. i can't explain it. i just do! i walked to a 24 hour deli in the really cold cold cold just to get me some apple juice. and mmmmhmm.. it's good and i'm happy :) :) :) it's filled with vitamin c too!

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i LOVE this song. It's too cute! :)



I realized that so many people are searching for the same thing. Love.

It's funny.

I'm not gonna lie, i am too.

But it's kinda funny that that's what most people are looking for. Why does it seem like we're losing out on something if we don't have this love? Strange.

I'm not talking about love from God or family because most of us have it.

But i'm talking about love, love. Being in love with someone else. Sharing a special relationship with someone else that only the 2 of you own.

The people that write/ sing about love are the awesomest, funniest, smartest and wittiest people i've come across. And i just find it strange that they can't seem to find that perfect someone.

But maybe, just maybe, that perfect someone doesn't exist? And if we just drop those crazy expectations, we'll be able to find that perfect someone?

I refuse to believe that. Ha!

Ok bye!

My Attention Span.

... or the lack thereof.

So i just realized today, more like, agreed with the fact that i have the shortest attention span in the whole universe times 212. Haha! Yes. I'm being a drama queen again. So sue me :P omg. green and pink reminds me of watermelons! whee!

Why I Came To This Conclusion:

1. People constantly tell me how bad my attention span is.
2. Today, I was supposed to wash the hand-cloth in the restaurant. I was kinda excited because I just learned how to do it yesterday and it means that I get to escape the busy-ness of the restaurant. So, i was happily going to the basement, being proud of myself for being handed this huuuuge responsibility, thinking of what a greeeeaaaat hand-cloth-washer i am going to be. I went to the machine, put in all the cloth, and turned it on. *Sigh of relief* "Good job, Rachel.", I say to myself. 2 hours later, i had to take the cloth out of the machine. On the way back to the machine, i realized that i forgot to put in the detergent. *Doink!*
3. Usually when people talk to me, i hear the first 2 words and stare at them as if i'm listening intently. After about 30 seconds, if they're sentence ends with their voice going higher, indicating that it was a question they just asked, i go, "Huh? Whaaaaaat?". Wait. I do that when they say statements too. Haha :P
   
4. In long conversations, i get distracted by the blue sky, clouds in different shapes that tell a story, birds, food, anything around me that's soft, cushy and cuddly. Or the song that is stuck in my head. Or a random incident that happened anytime from 3 minutes to 3 years ago.
5. As I type this, I'm in the middle of reading an email on my hotmail account AND in the middle of replying an email on my gmail account.
6. I have so many other examples but i'm already distracted and can do this no more.

Heheheeee!

The weather was pretty today :) I wish i could have been outdoors the whole day! But i have to work. Oh well.

Daddy told me a story of how hard he had to work when he was my age. So now i'm motivated to do the same. No more complaining! Woo-Hoo!

I miss my parents :( They're always so wise :) :) :)


"Listen to mommy and daddy! They're right most of the time!"

Nuts.

Between 5pm to 10pm on March 25th 2009.

5.00 pm - Hmm.. I have time to kill before my edit lab slot at 7pm.
5.01 pm - *Reads book in park* What pretty weather :)
6.15 pm - Oh no! Finish reading book. Now what? I have 1 more hour.
6.17 pm - *Looks around* *Beam of light from heaven shines upon Barnes&Noble* (It's a book store)
6.18 pm - Ruuuuuun to Barnes&Noble.
6.19 pm - Immediately rides the multiple escalators to my favorite floor. The highest one! With film books, literature, philosophy and other fun stuff! ;)
6.21 pm - *Remembers Andre talking about "The Great Divorce" and Soren Kierkegaard*
6.22 pm - Spots random Soren Kierkegaard book. Picks it up. Looks for "The Great Divorce".
6.24 pm - Finds "The Great Divorce" in front of an empty chair. Score!
6.24 pm - Picks up book and turns around to proceed to chair. Chair taken -__-" I left it for one second. That's how vicious these New Yorkers are with book store chairs.
6.25 pm - Looks for a little corner to hide to read books. Finds an isolated isle. Perfect! Time to get comfy. Sits on floor.
6.26 pm - Opens "Works of Love" by Soren Kierkegaard. Read.
6.27 pm - "Wow." Mouth gaping and everything. And that was just the first page.
6.50 pm - After being so into the entire first chapter, I finally look up from the book to take a breather and let the information sink in.
6.51 pm - Notice that people walking by were staring. Looks around. Looks up. Only to discover 2 giant shelves of gay/ lesbian fiction and kama sutra. *Blush Blush*
6.52 pm - Picks up books and bags and moves to a different spot.
7.30 pm - Stomach growling. I want this book. It's $17 bucks! Maybe i should go to Strand (discount book store)
7.40 pm - Arrive at Strand. Runs to philosophy corner. Hehe. My favorite floor in Strand; basement :)
7.50 pm - THEY DON'T HAVE IT!!! :(
7.52 pm - Browsing around Strand, found many books on my Books To Read Wish List for very very cheap. Thinks, "No No No. Don't be greedy. Come back when you actually have money. Or time to read them for that matter."
7.55 pm - Exited Strand a very sad sad Rachel :(
8.05 pm - Back in Barnes&Noble, Fourth Floor, picks up same book. Looks for chair, sit, and read. Mmmhm :)
8.45 pm - Mune calls to go for dinner. Thinks, "If i go for dinner, i can't buy this book."
8.55 pm - Complains to Mune about book being expensive. Mune says it's not. I secretly smile and scheme to get it.
9.15 pm - Eat cheap dinner :)
9.40 pm - Back in Union Square. Barnes&Noble is still open.
9.41 pm - Ruuuuuns in and purchases book.
9.45 pm - Exited Barnes&Noble a very happy Rachel but a very guilty one too :(

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March 26th 2009.

12.30 am - Reads book happily! :) "This man is so so so smart."

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Why did i just write the longest and stupidest account of a book purchase you ask?

Because i feel so guilty about spending money i don't really have. But at the same time, i think this book is awesome ;)

On the first page,

"Indeed, one can be deceived in many ways; one can be deceived in believing what is untrue, but on the other hand, one is also deceived in not believing what is true; one can be deceived by appearances, but one can also be deceived by the superficiality of shrewdness, by the flattering conceit which is absolutely certain that it cannot be deceived."

And the book is filled with sentences like this. It visits both ends of the spectrum on each matter and makes you think.

Are my actions justified yet? :P

Probably not.

It's a good book though ;)

I'm happy and excited!!! :) :) :)

I'm ill. What people have with DVDs and CDs, I have with books.

And before i leave NY, i'm sooo gonna stock up on all these great books that i can't get in Malaysia.

Did i mention that i might be leaving soon? :(

"Spring is here! Spring is here! Spring is here!"

7 hours of sleep and 11 oreos later.

Hello! Here I am blogging again!

Haha. Blogging. Isn't that such a funny word?

It's like Snorkeling. Or Boggling. Or Fuhnagaling. But not at all! Hehehe

Ooooh.! There goes my sugar fix for the day.. o.O

*twitch* *twitch*

My friend was talking about intriguing blogs the other day. Uhmm.. I actually read it on hers. Hehe. Yes I'm a dork. So sue me.

And i thought about the few that i read. 3-5 maybe? And i stalk them. Like, i'm always checking for updates (more than twice a day) and then smiling to myself about what they wrote. Haha. I wish i had that kind of wisdom and wit.

Ahhh.. My favorite line.. "Oh how i wish.."

I definitely live my life in my head. I really should stop that. It's like a disease. No. It is not mental illness. *denial*

Haha. And yes. The constantly talking to myself in public needs to stop too :P

What was i saying again?

Ooooh! Time for another oreo! They're soooooo delicious! Yum Yum Yummmmmmm! :) :) :)




"Chew your food before you swallow!"

maybe i won't die when i'm 40.

Not too long ago, i had to let go my dream of being a hobo coz i just wasn't cut out for it. And i speak from experience.

And now, i think i have to give up my dream of dying at 40 :(

I know i can't really dictate it. Heck, i might die tomorrow. *knock knock wood* But 40 was the goal :)

I wanted to have achieved everything i want to do in life and.. well.. die. Happy! :)

But now that i'm at the "mid-point" *gasp!*, all my dreams seem so far away. There are so many things to do and so little time!

Now i know why my uncle was sooooo upset when he turned 40. He haven't achieved half the things that he wanted to.

I hope that i can at least achieve 2/3rds of what i want to do by the time i'm 40. I'll be happy enough :) :) :)

I just need to focus focus hocus pocus!

---

On a lighter note, I was feeling very upset yesterday (Haha. Irony. I'm a fan.). I really don't know why. I think it's PMS. Heh heh.

And it made me almost break my fast. (I'm practicing Lent this year) I feel like i'm hanging by a thread and it's only been 6 days! How did Jesus do 40 days? How does anyone do 40 days?

But God, being who He is, is always good. And despite being upset yesterday, He still managed to give me a bounce in my step when i thought about chocolate croissant and tea :) Yummm..

He gave me the peace i needed when i went to bed. The nightmares I've been having for the past week didn't come back.

I just LOVE being His little girl. And jumping around in my cute little pink TuTu to bring a smile onto His face.


---

I don't usually post lyrics, but here's a good one ;)

Jesus loves me this I know,
For the bible tells me so,
Little ones to him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
The bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me when I'm good,
When I do the things I should,
Jesus loves me when I'm bad,
Though it makes him very sad.

Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
The bible tells me so.

---

It stings every time I read it. I don't want to make Him sad.

"Wash your socks clean clean!"

Addicted.

Soon Do Bu. Oh how you make my heart beat faster. My nose crinkles up in excitement when i smell your scent. My mouth waters like a rushing river when i think about you. Oh, my Soon Do Bu. Oh how i wish i could spend the rest of my life with you.

I'm so freaking addicted to Soon Do Bu. It's a korean dish with tofu. Lots and lots of tofu. And it's so so so good. I wish i knew how to cook it. I shall learn! *determined* It's so good. But it's a good 10 bucks >.< No monehhh!

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There was a snow storm (that's what the weather report called it anyway) today. I was supposed to move but i couldn't because there was too much snow! I was kinda upset. But secretly, i haven't even finished packing. So maybe it's a good thing?

BUT at the same time, all i can think about ALL day is Soon Do Bu but I'm not gonna run out in the cold and wet streets just to spend too much money on it. So i guess i'll have to wait till next week. But i'm moving far away from my Soon Do Bu heaven. That makes me kinda sad.

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Have NOT found a job. Feel like killing myself (not in the actual sense but in my head).

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I wish i was a cartoon character.

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It's the first day of Lent :)

I've never really celebrated Lent. I usually only do it in August in Malaysia when we have the 40-day fast and prayer book.

But this year, I decided to celebrate Lent :) So we'll see how that goes ;) Hehe

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Once again, I've been very much humbled by God. You know sometimes when you kinda know that He's speaking to you? It's so amazing. It's so amazing to know that the great and almighty God is chasing after our hearts.

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"Don't eat the snow on the streets!"

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And that is how my head works. Thoughts scattered everywhere. Ha!

Loves.

Hmm..

I feel like walking around and randomly hugging people :)
I like hugs and smiles.

"Don't waste food! And support original music!"

My 100th :)

Yay! It's finally heeeeere! I've been counting and counting and writing and writing, waiting for this very moment. My 100th post! Woot Woot! :) :) :)

It's no big deal, i know. But anything that's a hundred, just amazes me! :)

And yes, I'm easily amused.

Sooooo.. *awkward silent moment*.. *whistles*.. *looks around*..

---

Been dealing with a lot lately. But i'm still trying to make myself go through the motions. Pray. Read. Eat. Sleep.

Trying to learn After Effects is starting to take a toll on me. I'm just getting really tired and everything seems so meaningless.

Like one of my favorite versus says, "Vanity of vanities; all is vanity." --Ecclesiastes 1:2

And this is from the wisest man who ever lived, King Solomon. He's a man who was given all the knowledge and wisdom in the world. Yet, he concluded that all is vain. All is meaningless.

I can read this book in the Bible over and over again and never get bored. I get something new every time. It's a really short book, only 12 chapters :)

It gets good though. He explains everything he says and makes really really good points. What he's trying to say when he says "meaningless", is that everything that we do comes down to choice. We can choose to feel hopeless about it, or we can follow God and His plan for us. That's why at the end of each "theory", King Solomon says that all is meaningless anyways. Hebrew word: hebel :)

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I'm at this point in my life where I have to make a lot of decisions. I know what I want. And i really hope it works out. Right now, I don't see how any of my dreams will work out. But i'm just gonna keep working till I get there. SO here's the list.

1. I want to get as much experience as possible in Film.
2. I want to spend 6 months working in a farm in Australia/ New Zealand :)
3. I want to be a bungee jumping instructor for a year. Somewhere exciting.
4. I want to live in a foreign country, delivering baked goods. A beautiful country, like Spain or something. (Ok. maybe not baked goods. But a fun job like that, you know?)
   
5. I just wanna travel the world. Company would be good :)
   
6. I want to drink a pretentious cup of espresso in an European country by the street corner.
7. BoraBora! Of course....... :P
8. After all that, i still want to be able to come back into Film and finally become a Director.

I don't know how ANY of this is going to be possible. I might laugh about it in 5 years. Or i might read it again and be like "No. 2, 3, 6. Check!" :) :) :) I am hoping for the latter.

"Smile at someone just to make their day!"

*manvoice* and this has been a community outreach by Banana Pumpkin Squarepants.

My Birthdayyyyy! :)

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am craaaaazy when it comes to my birthday! It's my favorite time of the year! I'm the most festive on this day and all i wanna do is hang out with people that i love and that i know love me too!

I start dancing around, singing happy songs and have rainbows pop out of my ear! Hehe :) It's true. People will ask me what i want for my birthday and i will bashfully say, "Oh nothing." But the list will be long. I can tell you that much. Muahahaha! (This statement does not include family. Yes. I see your smirks! :P)

But this year, I really don't have the time to think about it at all. I would be working (for free! eek!) and it's just gonna be as unfestive as unfestive can get. Plus, I've been really busy preparing for this and that, looking for a job, etc. etc.

So today, i thought we were gonna celebrate Suan's (pastor's daughter) birthday and was really excited about it coz i feel that everyone is as happy about birthdays as me :)

And when we were gonna "surprise" her.. Me & Tim (bithday on the 17th) got a surprise too! Hehehe! Thinking about it makes me giggle! :) They decorated it with my favorite jelly beans too! With my name on it and everything!

I feel loved *sigh* :)

AND on top of that, I got 3 pounds worth of jelly beans! :) I just wanna swim in it! Hahaha.. It's not enough to swim in. But i wish i could!

So, i don't think that they/ you guys don't read this but i just wanna say, "THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS! I LOVE YOU GUYS MUCHOS!"

A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Ahh.. many unfortunate events have struck me pretty life. Therefore, I shall put it in a post :)

OK. First of all, not everything can be posted here coz, you know, public domain, involves other people's feelings and also privacy, etc. etc.

BUT those who know everything that i'm going/ went through and willingly (or rather unwillingly but very much forced to by me) listened and counseled and advised, I love you guys very much and am very grateful that you guys are in my life and have not succumbed to that voice in your head that is begging you to kill me :P After all, love for your daughter, sister, cousin, friend is overrated riiiight? (i realize i might be pushing it.. heh heh)

Event 1.
Came back to NY from Malaysia. Having to say goodbye to family and friends just when i started to settle down and be comfy back home again. Fell very sick the night before my flight. Oh the pain.

Event 2.
Because i was heavily drugged on the plane, i snored worse than a pig with a flu on its death-bed with a crazy itch on its belly that it can't reach. I do not kid.

Event 3.
Mommy, don't kill me! But i got conned by the taxi guy at the airport :P Rugi like $15?

Event 4.
Went apartment hunting with friend. One day, kena pooped on by birds TWICE. Yes. In ONE day. Yes. The SAME day. Good luck you say? I say nooooooooo.

Event 5.
Complications with rent and lease. Lost a lot of money. I shall not go into details, but if you want to know more about it, you can always skype/ msn with me. Oh! I have AIM too! If that's how you roll, we can rock and roll yo! (i DO NOT know why i just said that)

Event 6.
Ok. This one needs a back story for you to fully understand. Well not really. So i have this notebook in which i put all my important papers coz i had to apply for something like an extended visa(?). Anyway, it had like my current visa, a check with a good amount of money on it, passport pics of me(that would be a real catch if anyone stole it. heh), forms and such in it because i did not want to carry a big folder around so i just stuffed everything into me notebook. So i was apartment hunting this one fine day (well, not so fine i would say) when the wind blew as strong as it could and blew my notebook out of my hands! At that point, there was nothing i could do to stop it! I RAN into the middle of the road, risked my life for what i thought was the most important of them all, my visa. Then while i was there, in the middle of crossroads, mind you, it's like the big box in the center of 4 traffic lights, i picked up all the extra papers as well la. Meanwhile, my check and my passport pictures nicely flew to different ends of the block. There was this nice man who helped me chase the check down the block and another nice lady who picked up my passport pictures. I had to run to each one of them, ignoring all rules and traffic lights, to get them. Finally, they all went back into the notebook. Ha! Eh! Don't say that i'm stupid. I can HEAR you! Hmph! Ok. Fin.

There is still Event 7, 8, 9. But i'm too lazy to type out full accounts of it. But yeah, do let me know if you want to lend an ear coz i'm always up for it (in conversation, so skype good. msn chat no good.)

"We should stop mass productions of instant noodles!!"

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God did His "Rachel, here's a cute guy for you to look at." thing again. Boy does He understand me :) :) :) HAHAHAHAHA

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Btw, if you are wondering what my weird statements in quotes are, they are my thoughts on how to save the environment and our health and well-being. And basically, every randomness that might appear in life :) Peace out homie! :P

Loves.

So Yeahh..

The trip to jersey did not work out. Boo!

But that just gives me more time to apartment hunt and find the perfect one! :)

Happy thoughts! Pink Bananas! Happy thoughts! :)

Ermm.. On a random note.. Well.. Not so random but very rachel..

I want Nasi Lemak.
I think that I need stainless steel teeth so that i can eat more candy.
The more I tell myself not to eat, the more i do.
I'm sorry if i'm ever mean to you. I'm mean to the people i love/like. Got. To. Fix. That.
I wish my hair would smell like some sort of creamy strawberry sweetness or something very Caribbean.
Speaking of something Caribbean, I want to go to a Caribbean island. *cough*Bora Bora*cough*
Sometimes I wish I had a voice in my head narrating my life. Hee!
I want toys and teddy bears! Hmph! I'm just frustrated coz i don't have enough. Don't mind me. (I don't even know why I'm frowning as I type this. Some inner anger is being unleashed. Ha!)
I want ADP friends who are finally in the States to come visit! Haha *hint hint* You KNOW who you are.
Speaking of ADP, I really miss Alexa, Sara & Sarah. Speaking of Sara, I miss Daryll too! Lol.
I never ever used to say "Lol" but i'm starting to because i'm just that easily influenced.
I cannot remember how it was being friends with Lionel Koh but I miss it. Haha.
Random names appearing reminds me of Lee Ken Chung, who, strangely, still reads my blog. Thanks homie! :P
Lee Ken Chung reminds me of Joash Chan who recently got married to May Wong (Mrs Chan now ;)). Congratulations! :)
I can't remember the last time i ate a papaya. Or a honey dew for that matter.
Fruits remind me of Mandarin oranges.
Mandarin oranges reminds me to wish everyone HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! :) :) :)

See, that wasn't without a purpose! And I meant it all from the bottom of my heart.

Loves. (Reminds me of my family and how much i miss and love them and wish i could spend CNY with them)

"Stop Global Warming!!!"