The Upper East Side.

It's true.

It exists. It's a real community with waaaay too much money.

I haven't mentioned it here but I got a serving job in a japanese restaurant on the upper east side. Yippee! And today was my first day.

It's soooo much work. But i shall not go into details. That will be for another day.

The Upper East Siders or UES-ers, as i like to call them, vary in shape and sizes and.. dum dum dum.. temperament.

Here's a list of the various ones i've encountered:

1. The weirdo who thinks he's all that because he has a company credit card. (Now, don't be confused. He is not a true UES-er. He just works in the neighborhood and likes to imagine being one of them, reserving his "usual spot" at 12pm every afternoon at his favorite japanese restaurant, where he can eat pretentious and expensive food for free and drink his diet coke with his pinky sticking out as he sips from the straw. Oh wait forgive me. His lemon diet coke. And, i kid you not, it's more than one guy. I'm not pin-pointing. A few of these walk in on the same day.)
2. The female lunch time regulars. (Definitely Liquor on the table at some point of the day. Huge engagement rings on their left ring-finger. Scrolling their Blackberries. Designer sweaters that do not flatter them. Hair tied up in pony tail. Gossiping about emails they've received. Nice people.)
3. The Rich College Couple. (Go watch Gossip Girl. Very similar. I personally do not watch GG but have heard much and seen a couple of episodes. So i'm hoping this statement does them justice.)
4. The Perfect Family with 2 kids below 12. (It is definitely every child's (or adults with slightly deprived childhood) dream to be part of this family. Parents with good tempers talking to their children like their adults. Joking around. Happy smiles. Never gets angry even when a certain first-day waitress took the wrong order. Parents who asks their children if they want dessert. Need I say more?)
5. My favorite, the BLACK AmEx card. (Oh, my heart, it just swooned. I touched it. It was in my hands. The Black AmEx card that I've only heard of. I heard you can buy a private jet with this card. It is that amazing. It doesn't even feel like a regular credit card. Private Jet. Black Card. My hands. Do the math.)
6. The People Who Knows They're Rich and Smirks at You Every Chance They Get. (Casually drops the fact that they are wearing a (very hideous, mind you) Versace shirt. Tries ordering sake but does not know what type there are. Names an unknown brand of sake and claims that it exists. Does not know what they want but pretend that they've got the whole menu memorized.)

---

Diner Dash has definitely trained me well to work in a restaurant. It's exactly the same. Just that it physically hurts. Hahaha! :P

---

Today i feel like doing this. So I did. And here you go.

[Insert Name Here], you can only be the best person you can be. Then, you have to leave the rest of it to God. If God wills it, and if it's in his plan for you, which makes it the best thing for you, it will happen for you. Good things will come. You just have to make sure your heart is in the right place, where God is. And not where your understanding brings you. Not everything your sight shows you is true. The road doesn't end at the vanishing point. It keeps going on and on and on. You don't see past the vanishing point. But God KNOWS what lies beyond the vanishing point. It's along the lines of what you've always dreamed of but better, more amazing, and beyond your WILDEST imagination. Yay! :)

This thought and belief is one of the major reasons why I am always so happy. Even when bad things happen. But these last few months, I have lost sight of it. Let's just say that it was in my blindspot. Hence, many the emo posts.

So now that I see it again, just thought i'd share.

---

"Tip MORE!"

Super tired but don't know why i can't sleep. Must be the adrenaline.

:) :) :) Smiles for EVERYONE!!! :) :) :)

There There Here?! What????

Another one of Sarah's tags! Whee! It's super early in the morning. And i don't even know why i'm doing this now instead of the 3 other things in my mind that seems more important right now; getting dressed, preparing breakfast, reading.

But here goes..

Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.

1. What is your name: Rachel!
   
2. A four letter word: Rain!
   
3. A boy’s name: Rufus! :P
4. A girl’s name: Roxanne!
   
5. An occupation: Rapper! Haha
   
6. A color: Ruby Red! Ha! Double Rs! Beat that!
   
7. Something you’ll wear: Rain boots! I waaaant :(
   
8. A food: Rendang! Yummm!
   
9. Something found in the bathroom: Rack!
   
10. A place: Russia? I don't know why but saying that gives me the chills. Maybe coz it's super cold there.. Heh :P Or maybe it's just super cold in my room! Ha!
    
11. A reason for being late: Rachel's beauty sleep!
    
12. Something you’d shout: Reeeeaaaally?!!!!!
    
13. A movie title: Rushmore!
    
14. Something you drink: Root Bear!
    
15. A musical group: Reel Big Fish! :)
    
16. An animal: Raccoon!
    
17. A street name: Roy Street? I'm sure there's one in NY somewhere! Hahaha
18. A type of car: Race Car!
    
19. The title of a song: Rootless Tree!
    
20. Tag 5 people: Sara, Alina, Sheryl, Jo, Leann

So that's it!

I'm off to make breakfast now! :)

Feel like hugging a giant teddy bear and stay in bed aaaaaall day. My cousin, Cynthia, has one and it's the most comfy and comforting thing to hug! :) :) :)

Back Here Again.

I was just wondering today..

Will anyone really know me?

Do people worry about the same question? Or have most people found that person who knows them and that it's only me who has not?

I want someone to know me so well that that person knows my next move. As unpredictable as i would like to think that i am, i think that if one truly knows me, that person will know.

*I'm saying "know" too many times, the word is starting to not make sense to me. Does that happen to you too? Hehe :P*

When someone knows you, will you finally know yourself?

---

I used street chalk! And yes, i drew. Not prettily. But i did :)

It was one of the things that i really really wanted to do in NY. Draw on the streets and i did! Hence, Rachel = Happy.

Rachel could be happier though. Why is it so hard for people to be really content?

---

Gosh. So many questions i wish i had the answer to.

"Did Earth Hour make a difference?"

---

Yet another emo one. Bear with me. And then give me a teddy bear to hug! Or just a bear hug will do! :P

Loves.

Nuts.

Between 5pm to 10pm on March 25th 2009.

5.00 pm - Hmm.. I have time to kill before my edit lab slot at 7pm.
5.01 pm - *Reads book in park* What pretty weather :)
6.15 pm - Oh no! Finish reading book. Now what? I have 1 more hour.
6.17 pm - *Looks around* *Beam of light from heaven shines upon Barnes&Noble* (It's a book store)
6.18 pm - Ruuuuuun to Barnes&Noble.
6.19 pm - Immediately rides the multiple escalators to my favorite floor. The highest one! With film books, literature, philosophy and other fun stuff! ;)
6.21 pm - *Remembers Andre talking about "The Great Divorce" and Soren Kierkegaard*
6.22 pm - Spots random Soren Kierkegaard book. Picks it up. Looks for "The Great Divorce".
6.24 pm - Finds "The Great Divorce" in front of an empty chair. Score!
6.24 pm - Picks up book and turns around to proceed to chair. Chair taken -__-" I left it for one second. That's how vicious these New Yorkers are with book store chairs.
6.25 pm - Looks for a little corner to hide to read books. Finds an isolated isle. Perfect! Time to get comfy. Sits on floor.
6.26 pm - Opens "Works of Love" by Soren Kierkegaard. Read.
6.27 pm - "Wow." Mouth gaping and everything. And that was just the first page.
6.50 pm - After being so into the entire first chapter, I finally look up from the book to take a breather and let the information sink in.
6.51 pm - Notice that people walking by were staring. Looks around. Looks up. Only to discover 2 giant shelves of gay/ lesbian fiction and kama sutra. *Blush Blush*
6.52 pm - Picks up books and bags and moves to a different spot.
7.30 pm - Stomach growling. I want this book. It's $17 bucks! Maybe i should go to Strand (discount book store)
7.40 pm - Arrive at Strand. Runs to philosophy corner. Hehe. My favorite floor in Strand; basement :)
7.50 pm - THEY DON'T HAVE IT!!! :(
7.52 pm - Browsing around Strand, found many books on my Books To Read Wish List for very very cheap. Thinks, "No No No. Don't be greedy. Come back when you actually have money. Or time to read them for that matter."
7.55 pm - Exited Strand a very sad sad Rachel :(
8.05 pm - Back in Barnes&Noble, Fourth Floor, picks up same book. Looks for chair, sit, and read. Mmmhm :)
8.45 pm - Mune calls to go for dinner. Thinks, "If i go for dinner, i can't buy this book."
8.55 pm - Complains to Mune about book being expensive. Mune says it's not. I secretly smile and scheme to get it.
9.15 pm - Eat cheap dinner :)
9.40 pm - Back in Union Square. Barnes&Noble is still open.
9.41 pm - Ruuuuuns in and purchases book.
9.45 pm - Exited Barnes&Noble a very happy Rachel but a very guilty one too :(

---

March 26th 2009.

12.30 am - Reads book happily! :) "This man is so so so smart."

---

Why did i just write the longest and stupidest account of a book purchase you ask?

Because i feel so guilty about spending money i don't really have. But at the same time, i think this book is awesome ;)

On the first page,

"Indeed, one can be deceived in many ways; one can be deceived in believing what is untrue, but on the other hand, one is also deceived in not believing what is true; one can be deceived by appearances, but one can also be deceived by the superficiality of shrewdness, by the flattering conceit which is absolutely certain that it cannot be deceived."

And the book is filled with sentences like this. It visits both ends of the spectrum on each matter and makes you think.

Are my actions justified yet? :P

Probably not.

It's a good book though ;)

I'm happy and excited!!! :) :) :)

I'm ill. What people have with DVDs and CDs, I have with books.

And before i leave NY, i'm sooo gonna stock up on all these great books that i can't get in Malaysia.

Did i mention that i might be leaving soon? :(

"Spring is here! Spring is here! Spring is here!"

i wish i could be as awesome as this list. ha!

Here are some things I really want to do. But have not. Simple and achievable ones. Not like my crazy ambitions. Heh.

1. Have a really good conversation over an equally good glass/ bottle of wine with a special someone.
Talking about serious stuff and laughing at silly jokes.
With Death Cab For Cutie playing softly in the background and occasionally getting up to dance :)




2. Running around in the rain with friends.
And giggling my head off, sliding around the wet streets with people I love the most :)


3. Cycling under the clear blue sky on a big green field.
One time alone. And another with company ;)
Just to admire the beauty of creation and to inhale fresh air :)



So that's the list.
Hooray! I hope I can strike at least one of them off this year :)
Oh me oh my. I think i'm actually growing up!
And looking at things realistically. *gasp*

---

Because I stalk people on Facebook, i found out that some of my friends are "In A Relationship", to quote the Facebook status. And it made me really excited and happy for them! :)

Some of them are people younger than me and i'm like, "Wahh! They're all grown up!" *smiles to self*

So yeahh, all their happy pictures made my heart smile :) It also made me giggle very loudly when i was using the public computers in NYFA and made heads turn.

But it's all good. Yes, random. So sue me :P

---

Life is not awesome right now. (I've only really said this less than 5 times in my life coz I don't like negativity too much) And my trusting in God is really being tested. Hard.

BUT to quote Dory, sometimes we just gotta, "Just keep swimmin' Just keep swimmin"

*wink*

"You aussies, hug a koala bear for me will ya?!" :P

Sleepy time. Loves.

---

PS. Today was so so so cold, my teeth hurt when i open my mouth. Heheheee!

he's just not that into you.

Yes. I watched it.

I know i know. WHY?!

I was in the mood for a chick flick. We all get that urge every once in a while. Don't deny it! :P

Anyway, it was good. Not so much the movie. Heh. But the message and it's ability to make me squirm and squeak. Hahaha! I reallly did. So many times. And i was like, "No! No! No! Don't do it!" :P

Good times.

My favorite scene in the movie :)

Basically the movie starts off talking about everything that the book says. All the signs, all the rules. It kinda annoyed me, all the rules. Partly because it's true and mostly because i wished it wasn't true.

But as the movie goes on, it starts challenging everything the book says. And i was like, "oh yeeeaahh."

It tells you to keep hoping. I like that :)

---

I wish they told us the truth when we were growing up. Then, we wouldn't be so confused.

If only everything was that simple.

We'd be able to run with the wind, chase the stars, and dance under the moonlight like they promised. Mmmhmm :)

But maybe, just maybe, they didn't lie?

"Sing to me the songs of the stars,
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again,
When it feels like my dreams are so far,
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again."

---

Too much "deep" thinking. Something i rarely do because it's hard to keep happy that way :P

That's what i think at least ;)

"Turn off the water when you're brushing your teeth please!"

Feel Like Smiling?

:P

Yes. Very jakun about this youtube video uploading extravaganza. Haha!

But seriously, girls, this will definitely make you smile :) And boys, i think it's something you can relate to. Definitely, maybe? ;)

This version has the lyrics in it. Too lazy to look for it and fill up space here. Heh



Aren't you in a good mood now? :) :) :)

Glad i could help! Heh heh! :P

---

Today was not that great a day for me. But the people around me were so happy, it made my heart smile a little too :)

Should definitely smile when the only other option is to cry. Amen. Heh :P

Time will make things better.

To Quote Jay Chou:

"也 許 時 間 是 一 種 解 藥
也 是 我 現 在 正 服 下 的 毒 藥"

---

"Use less shampoo when you wash your hair!" :)

---

Bye for now!

Definitely need to stop blogging so much and use my time to be more productive. Heheeee!

Peace out! :P

Sticky Stuff!

The mood of my blog has been so solemn lately. I apologize.

But here's something to make you laugh and think. It's an awesome song by Flight of the Conchords :) My favorite part, of course, is when they go.. "The sticky stuff." Heheheheee! Makes me laugh aaaall the time. I don't even know why.



Went for a show today. They sang an awesome rendition of this song. Laughed till i almost pee-ed in my pants! =P

It's so soothing to watch people perform live. And it's so much fun too! :)

Definitely the prefect stress relief. Yay!

I'm happy today :) Good company *wink*Janet*wink* and a good show is always awesome.

"Fatal Flaw by South Jordan is on loop on my computer. Acoustic version thank you very much."

For Therapeutic Purposes Only.

I finally did it. I let go.

I've been having the hardest time moving on from something. A self-destructive obsession.

The crazy thing about obsessions are, you realize that it's there. You know something is wrong. Then, you justify your obsession. Every one tells you that you are hurting yourself. When you realize that it's bad for you, you "quit", only to find ways around your justification and back to said obsession.

I don't know how I did it. Or if i'm even going to last this time. But I hope that I will.

It hurts. It scarred. It took away a big chunk of my time.

But now i'm moving forward. It's good.

Treating my wounds with Hawk Nelson. Mhmm.. :)

Growing up sucks. I just wanna run in the rain and giggle till I fall on my bum bum.

My Tummy Calls Out For Thee.

I have been craving ice cream for the past forever. Not just any ice cream. The Gelato kind :)

Yes. I like being pretentious every once in a while. Heh.

Unfortunately, no one wants to go get any with me coz it's cold. Well, cold schmold. You guys just hate mehh! Hehe. I kid I kid.


I stole some ice-cream from my friend's house yesterday. But it's just not the saaaaaame! *Bursts into hysterical tears*



I haven't seen one of these in a very very long time. I've never seen it here in New York. I waaaaaant! :'(

Oh well. Gelato is pretty :) And it tastes even prettier! :) :) :) Is that enough to tempt someone to go on this excursion with me? :P

---

I wanna see stars in the sky! Dang you, pollution! :(


"Stop pollution please! Bring out the stars! Whee!"

7 hours of sleep and 11 oreos later.

Hello! Here I am blogging again!

Haha. Blogging. Isn't that such a funny word?

It's like Snorkeling. Or Boggling. Or Fuhnagaling. But not at all! Hehehe

Ooooh.! There goes my sugar fix for the day.. o.O

*twitch* *twitch*

My friend was talking about intriguing blogs the other day. Uhmm.. I actually read it on hers. Hehe. Yes I'm a dork. So sue me.

And i thought about the few that i read. 3-5 maybe? And i stalk them. Like, i'm always checking for updates (more than twice a day) and then smiling to myself about what they wrote. Haha. I wish i had that kind of wisdom and wit.

Ahhh.. My favorite line.. "Oh how i wish.."

I definitely live my life in my head. I really should stop that. It's like a disease. No. It is not mental illness. *denial*

Haha. And yes. The constantly talking to myself in public needs to stop too :P

What was i saying again?

Ooooh! Time for another oreo! They're soooooo delicious! Yum Yum Yummmmmmm! :) :) :)




"Chew your food before you swallow!"

Give Me Wings. Or Hide Me Under Yours.

It's nice to see pretty people together.

Pretty boys always always have pretty girlfriends. And pretty girls.. Well.. Most of the time, have pretty boyfriends.

So what happens to the rest of us? :P

Sometimes, i find it sad that all the pretty (i'm not talking about appearance. no no, not at all) guys are taken.

I want a pretty guy to sing for me and...


:)

Yes. That would be very nice indeed.

---

As much as guys like to be called Heroes, girls like to be fought for, to know that she is worth the battle.

And she usually is.

I wish guys could see that and grow some!

You can't be called a Hero unless you actually save and protect someone.

---

I want to go bungee jumping!! WhoopDeeDoo!! Wanna come with? :) :) :)

---

Today was all about grace. I needed it.

I needed to know that it is done. There's nothing i can do to change it. He died for me.

I couldn't have prevented it. I couldn't have made it better. All i can do is to accept it and move on with life.

I have to live my life. The life that he fought for. The life that he suffered for.

He is still fighting for my heart. He wants it, all of it, more than I can ever comprehend.

Why am I holding back?




"Garbage in trash can please. And ice cream in Rachel's mouth please. Thank you!" :)

maybe i won't die when i'm 40.

Not too long ago, i had to let go my dream of being a hobo coz i just wasn't cut out for it. And i speak from experience.

And now, i think i have to give up my dream of dying at 40 :(

I know i can't really dictate it. Heck, i might die tomorrow. *knock knock wood* But 40 was the goal :)

I wanted to have achieved everything i want to do in life and.. well.. die. Happy! :)

But now that i'm at the "mid-point" *gasp!*, all my dreams seem so far away. There are so many things to do and so little time!

Now i know why my uncle was sooooo upset when he turned 40. He haven't achieved half the things that he wanted to.

I hope that i can at least achieve 2/3rds of what i want to do by the time i'm 40. I'll be happy enough :) :) :)

I just need to focus focus hocus pocus!

---

On a lighter note, I was feeling very upset yesterday (Haha. Irony. I'm a fan.). I really don't know why. I think it's PMS. Heh heh.

And it made me almost break my fast. (I'm practicing Lent this year) I feel like i'm hanging by a thread and it's only been 6 days! How did Jesus do 40 days? How does anyone do 40 days?

But God, being who He is, is always good. And despite being upset yesterday, He still managed to give me a bounce in my step when i thought about chocolate croissant and tea :) Yummm..

He gave me the peace i needed when i went to bed. The nightmares I've been having for the past week didn't come back.

I just LOVE being His little girl. And jumping around in my cute little pink TuTu to bring a smile onto His face.


---

I don't usually post lyrics, but here's a good one ;)

Jesus loves me this I know,
For the bible tells me so,
Little ones to him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
The bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me when I'm good,
When I do the things I should,
Jesus loves me when I'm bad,
Though it makes him very sad.

Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
The bible tells me so.

---

It stings every time I read it. I don't want to make Him sad.

"Wash your socks clean clean!"

Addicted.

Soon Do Bu. Oh how you make my heart beat faster. My nose crinkles up in excitement when i smell your scent. My mouth waters like a rushing river when i think about you. Oh, my Soon Do Bu. Oh how i wish i could spend the rest of my life with you.

I'm so freaking addicted to Soon Do Bu. It's a korean dish with tofu. Lots and lots of tofu. And it's so so so good. I wish i knew how to cook it. I shall learn! *determined* It's so good. But it's a good 10 bucks >.< No monehhh!

---

There was a snow storm (that's what the weather report called it anyway) today. I was supposed to move but i couldn't because there was too much snow! I was kinda upset. But secretly, i haven't even finished packing. So maybe it's a good thing?

BUT at the same time, all i can think about ALL day is Soon Do Bu but I'm not gonna run out in the cold and wet streets just to spend too much money on it. So i guess i'll have to wait till next week. But i'm moving far away from my Soon Do Bu heaven. That makes me kinda sad.

---

Have NOT found a job. Feel like killing myself (not in the actual sense but in my head).

---

I wish i was a cartoon character.

---

It's the first day of Lent :)

I've never really celebrated Lent. I usually only do it in August in Malaysia when we have the 40-day fast and prayer book.

But this year, I decided to celebrate Lent :) So we'll see how that goes ;) Hehe

---

Once again, I've been very much humbled by God. You know sometimes when you kinda know that He's speaking to you? It's so amazing. It's so amazing to know that the great and almighty God is chasing after our hearts.

---

"Don't eat the snow on the streets!"

---

And that is how my head works. Thoughts scattered everywhere. Ha!

Loves.

Hmm..

I feel like walking around and randomly hugging people :)
I like hugs and smiles.

"Don't waste food! And support original music!"

My 100th :)

Yay! It's finally heeeeere! I've been counting and counting and writing and writing, waiting for this very moment. My 100th post! Woot Woot! :) :) :)

It's no big deal, i know. But anything that's a hundred, just amazes me! :)

And yes, I'm easily amused.

Sooooo.. *awkward silent moment*.. *whistles*.. *looks around*..

---

Been dealing with a lot lately. But i'm still trying to make myself go through the motions. Pray. Read. Eat. Sleep.

Trying to learn After Effects is starting to take a toll on me. I'm just getting really tired and everything seems so meaningless.

Like one of my favorite versus says, "Vanity of vanities; all is vanity." --Ecclesiastes 1:2

And this is from the wisest man who ever lived, King Solomon. He's a man who was given all the knowledge and wisdom in the world. Yet, he concluded that all is vain. All is meaningless.

I can read this book in the Bible over and over again and never get bored. I get something new every time. It's a really short book, only 12 chapters :)

It gets good though. He explains everything he says and makes really really good points. What he's trying to say when he says "meaningless", is that everything that we do comes down to choice. We can choose to feel hopeless about it, or we can follow God and His plan for us. That's why at the end of each "theory", King Solomon says that all is meaningless anyways. Hebrew word: hebel :)

---

I'm at this point in my life where I have to make a lot of decisions. I know what I want. And i really hope it works out. Right now, I don't see how any of my dreams will work out. But i'm just gonna keep working till I get there. SO here's the list.

1. I want to get as much experience as possible in Film.
2. I want to spend 6 months working in a farm in Australia/ New Zealand :)
3. I want to be a bungee jumping instructor for a year. Somewhere exciting.
4. I want to live in a foreign country, delivering baked goods. A beautiful country, like Spain or something. (Ok. maybe not baked goods. But a fun job like that, you know?)
   
5. I just wanna travel the world. Company would be good :)
   
6. I want to drink a pretentious cup of espresso in an European country by the street corner.
7. BoraBora! Of course....... :P
8. After all that, i still want to be able to come back into Film and finally become a Director.

I don't know how ANY of this is going to be possible. I might laugh about it in 5 years. Or i might read it again and be like "No. 2, 3, 6. Check!" :) :) :) I am hoping for the latter.

"Smile at someone just to make their day!"

*manvoice* and this has been a community outreach by Banana Pumpkin Squarepants.

I'm Twenty! 20! Yay! Yay? Oh! Nay! >.<

So i was really hungry today and decided that i should cook some instant noodles for myself. AND since it is my birthday, i decided to top it off with chicken! hehe! :P

So i went to a chinese take-out place and bought some chicken. I came home, made my instant noodles, ate my chicken and now i look like this! I feel like it too! Eek! Since i will be working tomorrow, on my actual birthday, i decided to stay up till 12am and have a mini celebration with Germ, my cushy and cuddly pillow, and Addison, my blue and adorable teddy bear :) I can't wait! I'm going to make a wish and everything!

I'm happy that everyone wished me on Facebook :) It feels like you guys are part of the party too! I would have one if we're not at different parts of the world. It's funny. It's already my birthday everywhere else! Just not here. Yet.



I love birthdays! Especially when it's mine! Whee! :) :) :)

So, to commemorate, I took a picture of 20-years-old me! Hahaha! :P



Thank you for the birthday wishes! :) I WILL be happy! Thanks! Heheheeee! Banana Pants! :P

"Please recycle your aluminum cans! Thank you! :)"

My Birthdayyyyy! :)

Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am craaaaazy when it comes to my birthday! It's my favorite time of the year! I'm the most festive on this day and all i wanna do is hang out with people that i love and that i know love me too!

I start dancing around, singing happy songs and have rainbows pop out of my ear! Hehe :) It's true. People will ask me what i want for my birthday and i will bashfully say, "Oh nothing." But the list will be long. I can tell you that much. Muahahaha! (This statement does not include family. Yes. I see your smirks! :P)

But this year, I really don't have the time to think about it at all. I would be working (for free! eek!) and it's just gonna be as unfestive as unfestive can get. Plus, I've been really busy preparing for this and that, looking for a job, etc. etc.

So today, i thought we were gonna celebrate Suan's (pastor's daughter) birthday and was really excited about it coz i feel that everyone is as happy about birthdays as me :)

And when we were gonna "surprise" her.. Me & Tim (bithday on the 17th) got a surprise too! Hehehe! Thinking about it makes me giggle! :) They decorated it with my favorite jelly beans too! With my name on it and everything!

I feel loved *sigh* :)

AND on top of that, I got 3 pounds worth of jelly beans! :) I just wanna swim in it! Hahaha.. It's not enough to swim in. But i wish i could!

So, i don't think that they/ you guys don't read this but i just wanna say, "THANK YOU SO MUCH GUYS! I LOVE YOU GUYS MUCHOS!"

My Interview!! Yay!! :)

I love sarah and all her great tags! Heheheeee!

1. Leave me a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I’ll email you five questions, of my determination not yours!
3. You update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

1. Pick out an animal that best describes almost everything about you & state why.
Monkey! :) Ok. You guys can stop nodding in agreement now. Weeeell, i say monkey coz it's the first thing that came into my head. And i'm always crazily hyper-active and i randomly burst in excitement and retard-ation. I scratch my head sometimes. And my belly too! I would gladly pick kutu out of someone's head and scratch their back for them. And most of all, i like to make people smile/ laugh. The latter, obviously, being the better result :) :) :) And monkey also because i would like to have monkeys dressed up in tuxedos giving out roses on my wedding day. Heeeee!

2. Would you prefer to wrap a gift with a wrapping paper or instead, just stuff the gift into a box and tie a ribbon on it? Why?
Box and tie a ribbon! :) Coz i like receiving presents like that. Hehehe. I think it looks better and you get to the present faster! Muahahaha. But seriously, i think the anticipation is heightened with a box. No real reason. Just a feeling ;) That's how i do most things! Lalala~

3. Who would you most likely date? An engineer or an accountant & whyy? Haha, this came out really random, hee! :D
I would say an engineer :) Haha. More dynamics and creativity to it. That's all. Most importantly, he must be strong and have a kind heart at the same time! [i just watched Troy. hahaha.] Or if he is exactly like Goo Joon Pyo, i wouldn't mind either. heh :P

4. Complete this sentence: If I were a boy... [ No, not the lyrics to the song but yeah, hmm ]
If i were a boy.... I would be very good-looking! Hahaha! I kid. I kid. But i would be very clear with my decisions and wise and never ever break another person's heart. I would be kind and gentlemanly and a great buddy to my friends. I would go to war and protect my country. OR i would be in a boy band. Most importantly, i would still make films. Then, i would on occasion, excuse myself from a room just to fart and eat lots and lots of bananas and work out to be a muscle man. Ha! That was so random, i don't even know where it came from :P

5. What would you name your future kiddos? Let's say you've got 2 girls and 2 boys :) Lalala!
Boys: Drake and Phoenix
Girls: Melissa and Diamond

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Just realize that this is heavy reading for my fellow blog readers. Haha.

"Save the platypus!"

Mixed Emotions, a Ta-ag, and An Overdue Apology.

I've a feeling that this is going to be a long one and a really mixed up and messy one. Just like what I'm feeling right about now.

OK. First of all, I just graduated and it just hit me that this is a major change in my life and the next move I take is going to determine where I'm going.

I'm not going to lie, I'm extreeeeemely freaked out.

I don't know where or how this feeling came about but I feel unwanted. Crazy right?! I know. Psychology friends! Help! Eeek!

This is going to seep into my Tag (by the lovely Sarah and Alexaxaxaxa!) so i'm just going to start it now. 10 random things, facts, habits, or goals about me.

1. I believe in living with passion and love for what you do. But as many have said, that's not going to feed me or give me a place to live.
2. I always have to chew on something when I'm nervous.
3. I absolutely LOVE candy.
4. I like colors! Lots of them! Jumbled together! It makes me happyyyyy :)
5. Sometimes, all i need to get me through a tough day is someone else's smile or laughter.
6. I'm a sucker for teddy bears and flowers (that's the girliest i will ever get)
7. I need assurance but i never ever show it (well, up till now of course! ha!)
8. I love my family and friends more than anything else (except God of course :P), and once you're in the circle (like in Meet The Parents/ Fockers) you'll never ever get out! Muahahahaha!
9. I'm secretly stalking someone else's blog that i found from a friend of a friend's blog. And i really look up to that person despite the fact that I've never met him or talked to him. The blog is kinda guiding my way through some tough times here. Now, THAT is random.
10. I wish that girls can really be swept off their feet by the perfect prince charming and that it will only happen once in a lifetime and it will last forever. That means, no more heartaches in this world! Yay!

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Back to mixed emotions.

I suddenly miss my family a lot a lot right now. BUT I hope I don't have to go home in 3 months.

3 months is the amount of time I have to get my act together before getting forced (not really forced but no other choice because no $$) to leave New York.

Totally do not know where I stand with God right now. I'm not going to lie.

"Do Not Litter! Pick Up Trash As You See It!"

Not knowing where I am with God, leads to the overdue apology. Now, this is getting personal so read if you want, skip if you're bored.

I wrote something to myself today. Not in my regular journal with God because I haven't been doing that in a long time. As i wrote, stuff just spilled out just like it normally does when i write about Him. This really made me think and well.. feel. Don't over think the content as you read. Think of the message. Because this made me realize that this is not the only time i've acted out like that. Hence, the public apology.

“I felt wanted and appreciated. It’s different than what I feel from God because this was something I could grasp. It was such a new thing to me. So new, that sometimes I would work harder for this appreciation. Was it worth it? I don’t think I can ever have the answer to that question.

This is the perfect example of taking God’s love for granted. At the back of my head, I always know that God is always there, He’ll always love me no matter what I do. So, I sin. I knowingly sin, with the thought that He’ll forgive me later. He always does.

I hate myself so much for doing that. If I were Him, I would hate me too. But He never does and that itself makes my heart ache even more. Sometimes, I can just imagine the disappointment in His face, the stabbing pain in His heart when I take His love for granted like that. I’m nailing Jesus to the cross and I’m spitting on His face.Yet He still loves me.

I dare not say I love Him because I feel so unworthy. But I know that that’s not what he wants. He doesn’t want me to run away in shame but to run to Him for comfort.”

So I just want to say, "I'm sorry, God. Thanks for still being there despite everything. Thanks for being my God."

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Enough blogging for one day. Hope you caught my public announcement inside the whole mess up of a post ;)

Sorry about today's emo-ness. Daddy just left NY and i'm alone again :(

Love. Always.